Giving Up. (or asking for help)

Earlier this year Mike and I reached an impasse.  The boys were not doing well enough in school.  Being immersed in the homeschool community (and being in a bit of denial about my own failings) I was inclined to just keep going.  To trust that they would get it in their time.  Mike, being only passively involved with homeschool and still fully attached to the grades= success motto we all grew up with was starting to worry they would be working at McDonald's in 15 years.
We were both right.  I had let things go to far.  There were some basic skills that the boys, especially Yosef were missing out on.  I did not want to admit that I just wasn't getting through to him.  After all isn't the homeschool cheer that anyone can teach their kids.  They were not going to just "get it" without a major change.  And if I was not willing to swallow my pride and admit my own failings they would suffer.  It is also true that kids learn at their own pace, and an A doesn't really mean anything.  All the reasons I decided school in general and public school most specifically were not the right place for my children were all still valid.
We both agreed public school was out.  The district we just moved into is not even state accredited.  We looked at the cost of private and quickly realized that required an income all its own.  We were blessed and grateful to discover Charity Christian Academy through a facebook connection.  (see its not all a waste  of time)  It was a real answer to prayer.  The boys are in an online school now.  They have access to a "real" teacher, and tests, and grades.  Somehow things I tried to teach Yosef a million times suddenly make sense coming from someone else.  Michael has his quantifiable results and I have the boys home with me.  It is the perfect solution for us.
This whole experience made me realize a few things.  Asking for help or using a different means of school is not giving up or admitting failure. Its just changing things, and after all isn't that one of the big benefits of homeschool that we can change things whenever we need to, even in the middle of a school year, to best suit our family and our child.  I also realized that there is a lot of pressure in the homeschool community to do it all yourself and to produce geniuses.  There is so much from the outside criticizing and comparing to brick and mortar schools that  it is almost impossible to not feel you have to prove them wrong and show you are better.  Thus we compare our children, brag of their accomplishments and always feel they must be doing better than their public school counterparts.  Within homeschool community there is a lot of criticism of other forms of school (not that we would ever say it to your face) mostly probably born of the same desire to prove ourselves.  Therefore, no one wants to admit they are taking help from  the school system or that they are considering sending their child to school.
I also realized that for me the academics were not the reason I loved homeschooling.  Having the pressure off for the math and science and being able to concentrate on what I love, extra history lessons, incorporating the Biblical feasts into our daily life, field trips, just having my kids there with me to learn life skills has been a real blessing.
I know that this is not a one size fits all solution, in fact we are not using it for Eliana and may not ever because she inst having the struggles her brothers were with book work but I learned a lot about being flexible an accepting the answer to prayer even when it isn't the one we want.  He really does know best.

Deanna Rose Children’s Farmstead

http://www.opkansas.org/Things-to-See-And-Do/Deanna-Rose-Childrens-Farmstead
We went to this pretty cool place with Susie and Sarah on Monday

Haircuts

Six Months!

I can not believe it has already been six months but it has, actually it was Sunday but I waited until she had her apt today so I could include her stats. She is 26 in and 19lbs.  Which is 50th percentile for height, and 90th percentile for weight.  She is a fat baby!  But if she is like her siblings (especially Eliana) she will gain very little weight the second six months.  We started her on some avocado Sunday which she seemed to like.  She has just this week started scooting around backwards.  I was a little worried the brace was going to delay her movement but now that she is only wearing it at night she seems ready to go.  She can sit up 30-60sec at a time and I am pretty sure she will be able to do that on her own fairly soon.

Abortion

These are just my thoughts on the subject as they come up.  I am sure I will add to it as time goes on, just a way to record what I am thinking as I see this struggle advance.

-of course abortion is wrong, life is life is life is life,  when do you get to kill an adult because it is inconvenient   for you that they live?  who gets to decide which life is worth living?  is the child of rape worthless, the one with downs syndrome, the one with a congenital birth defect?  what if society decides your child is worthless? what if they decide you are worthless?

-I keep hearing pro-choice people say that pro-life people should be obligated to adopt all the unwanted babies because they don't want them aborted.  This is a ridiculous argument.  First, lets make an analogy.  Homelessness is a problem in America.  Everyone knows it, no one wants the homeless in their "back yard" and as far as I know no one has a brilliant solution to end homelessness, I certainly don't.  Let's shoot them.  Certainly they are unwanted.  Surely they would be better off if we put them out of their misery.  No one would WANT to live like that right?  And.. if you disagree with me, then I put it to you that you must come up with a solution to homelessness right now, and you must be willing to personally take any homeless you see into your home.  Ridiculous?  You do not have to know the solution to a problem to know killing people is the wrong answer.  Conversely, I keep wondering if this is actually meant to absolve the arguer of all social responsibility. Poor people, abused children, etc, not my problem.  I told you to abort them so its your problem to solve not mine.

-how is pro-life a war on women? I am a woman and I don't see how my rights are violated by saying I have to be responsible for the outcome of my own actions.  It is anti-woman to take the amazing miracle that G-d has made our bodies capable of and turn it into a burdensome medical condition.  Even if you believe that abortion is not morally reprehensible.. how is it a right??? I know that some ppl consider birth control to be a sin and I don't.  I think it is a reasonable and responsible way to in most cases control the outcome of my actions.  However, its not a right.  Its not a right to have my life be more convenient, its a privilege.  Yes I said convenient, being able to engage in sexual activity and at the same time control the timing and number of my children is a convenient  privilege.  It is not a human right.

-How in on earth is access to birth control pills a right but LIFE is not????

-I made sure to find a non-pro-life source for this one.  The NY times:
About 90 percent of pregnant women who are given a Down syndrome diagnosis have chosen to have an abortion.  
This makes me so incredibly sad that I have no commentary.  How could anyone ever defend this?

-in relation to this article: http://www.usatoday.com/news/opinion/forum/story/2012-04-03/teen-pregnancy-birth-control-schools/53979070/1
First, this article speaks of birth rates because it is ok that teens get pg as long as they dont have to face the consequences
Second, I agree that abstinence education is generally ineffective. Having a teacher say don't have sex when every other societal force is telling you to is not going to work. But this speaks to our poor educational system that even our teachers don't know that this is flawed logic. The fact that solution A does not work is not support of solution B.
Third, I have a lot of trouble believing that in 2012 these teens are unaware of their BC options, (or even that the poorest students cant afford a condom) just like the teens where its not available they know what they can do, they just have the typical adolescent attitude of "it wont happen to me" They most likely have the same pg rate but "take care of it" before anyone knows.

Judgement

So, I think we throw around the words judge, judgment, and judgmental too often.  Having just been through a couple of those all important (haha) and soon forgotten online arguments this is on my mind.  I have been accused of being judgmental when it comes to parenting topics.  I thought of several things I could use as an example but I think I will use circumcision, since it is one topic I am on the receiving end of the judgement.
Here is a list of things that are NOT judgement or personal attacks against me or attempts to shame me.
1. not circumcising, leaving YOUR son intact is not about me
2. stating the fact that you did not circumcise
3. making the generic statement, "circumcision is wrong", you are simply stating your beliefs which do not happen to be the same as mine
4. posting clever cartoons or slogans against circumcision or in favor of intact in your space, physical or internet (ie, your facebook page,  your blog, your bumper, your home)
5. sharing information such as articles or statistics in your space (see above)
6.  sharing information when it is asked for
7 asking questions about circumcision

Here is a list of things that ARE judgmental, inappropriate, and often mean
1. telling me I am not allowed to circumcise
2. saying circumcising makes me a bad parent
3. referring to circumcision as mutilation, child abuse, or sexual abuse
4. posting clever cartoons or slogans against circumcision in MY space (ie my facebook page, blog, bumper or home)
5. sharing unsolicited articles and statistics repeatedly in my space
6. asking "How could you do that?" or "Why would you do that" or "Don't you feel guilty?"

This basic idea could be applied to most parenting topics.  One topic that I am accused of be judgmental about is breastfeeding so I changed the list to apply to breast vs formula:

Here is a list of things that are NOT judgement or personal attacks or attempts to shame

1.breastfeeding, MY decision about my child is not about YOU
2. stating the fact that I breastfeed, how long I did it, how easy or hard it was, or how often I do it
3. making the generic statement, "breast is best"
4. posting clever cartoons or slogans about breastfeeding in MY space (ie, my facebook page,  my blog, my bumper, my home)
5. sharing information such as articles or statistics about why breast is best or the downside of formula in my space (see above)
6.  sharing information when it is asked for
7 asking questions about formula

Here is a list of things that ARE judgental, inappropriate, and often mean
1. Saying everyone has to breastfeed
2. saying only bad parents use formula
3. refering to formula as poison or bad food
4. posting clever cartoons or slogans in favor of breastfeeding in YOUR space  (ie your facebook page, blog, bumper or home)
5. sharing unsolicited articles and statistics repeatedly in your space
6. asking "How could you do that?" or "Why would you do that" or "Don't you feel guilty?"

7. saying "you should have tried harder" or commenting in any other way about your personal experience without being explicitly invited to do so

I realize this is a bit long, but this is my space, right?  I think I made my point about judgement and hope that the mom's I consider my friends can relax and enjoy each other despite the fact that we haven't all made the same decisions.

Names

I have joked I can't have any more children because with five first and middle names I can't think of anymore.  I always wanted my children to have Hebrew names and names that could be shortened into nicknames. (I know some people want just the opposite)  My husband wanted to make sure they weren't too unusual or hard for Americans to say.  He had a brother that passed away in 1996 named Joey.  We named our oldest boy Yosef in his honor.  The poor boy has had to say "no that's a Y not a J" for almost 12 years now.  We thought we were being safer with the second but amazingly despite the popularity of Zachary, and the fact that it is a book of the Bible no one seems to know how to spell Zachariah.  With my daughter I thought I found the perfect balance of unusual but still "easy".  Even though I had never heard the name before I have met no less than ten Elianas since she was born.  Nathaniel has had better luck with people being familiar with his name.  For some reason it has never been shortened to Nate, little guy, big name.  When I found out I was pregnant the last time, the first name on my list was Naomi, it was the one my husband liked most too even before we had discussed it.  It seemed a natural fit.  Nathaniel calls her Mimi, I don't know if it will stick. So Yosef Dahvid, Zachariah Michael, Eliana Abigail, Nathaniel Levi and Naomi Tova.  I am officially out of names